Growing up, I often wondered how the story of a violent attack by mother when I was a toddler induced shock and sympathy, while stories of people whose entire families underwent crimes in third world countries, or soldiers who survived multiple tours, didn’t induce the same reaction.
I realised that trauma is more shocking when viewed in a generally unexpected and pleasant environment, and far easier to dismiss when placed on the backdrop of a war or a high crime area.
Yes, I experienced trauma, but I feel I’m privileged in the fact that I grew up with one strong parental figure, something that studies say plays a key role in building child resilience. I also received subsidised or free mental health care both as a child and adult, something many people don’t have access to. I had a strong supportive social circle and married a husband who acknowledges and supports my journey to recovery. I did some stupid things as a teenager, but fortunately I was one of the lucky ones who didn’t have lifelong consequences from any of the mistakes I made.
I’ve been privileged to have the tools and support which studies have shown decrease the risk of negative longterm effects from trauma, avoiding things such as flashbacks or addictions or serious relationship issues.
Whenever someone says ‘You’ve recovered so well despite everything’, I remind myself that in different circumstances, I may be that person who has ongoing life-impacting problems from their trauma.
Even with all the tools I’ve had to aid in my physical and mental recovery, I have had days I can’t get out of bed, or don’t want to look at life.
Without those tools, I can only imagine how much harder it would be.
I just want to remind everyone not to judge people on how well or how badly they recovered from trauma or abuse. Resilience is not a trait so much as a result of the type of support and growth we experience on our healing journey.
Remember that we are all different people, with different personalities and pain points, and we’ve all had different tools and support available (or the lack of them) as we tried to recover.
- The Real (Mental Health) Reason I Like Taylor Swift - July 25, 2020
- 365 Dni (365 Days) – A Story of Stockholm Syndrome & Abuse - June 7, 2020
- When You Become an Ear Not a Friend - February 8, 2020
